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Post by Admin on Aug 7, 2022 3:55:56 GMT
Off work now, happy to be off, but mind is 'shot', to shot to work on my creative radio project.
Creativity takes energy, but when the mind is shot and worn from a full day of mindless driving labor, one just doesn't have the energy to properly create.
So, I'll just lay back, do some movie viewing, and continue on my creative project tomorrow.
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Post by Admin on Aug 7, 2022 3:59:50 GMT
A part of me wants to just end this Pullman blog forum.
I really have no connections there anymore, for a while, revisiting that place in my mind brought me comfort, but now, now, I don't know.
If I were drinking or drunk right now, I'd probably delete this whole forum, but since I'm not drinking or drunk, I'll think about it for a while.
I can only hold onto the past for so long, the past has certainly forgotten about me, that's for sure....we shall see.
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Post by Admin on Aug 19, 2022 2:39:48 GMT
What a classic
'Don't give a 'buck'
Straight outta Compton, err, I mean Pullman...
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Post by Admin on Aug 31, 2022 23:19:49 GMT
Had on of those moments today, maybe a few, where I just ask myself 'Why am I even still here?'
After drinking last night, I just felt so terrible today, very 'yucky' type of feeling (should not of drank Jim Bean' with beer)..
Even though didn't drank that much Jim Bean, for whatever reason it just had a terrible effect on my mood when I eventually woke up.
And as I lay there, sat there, I was like 'Why am I even still here?', as everything just seemed meaningless and pointless to me at that moment.
Like what am I fighting for anymore? Who am I living for?, and what do I expect to happen in the future?...I nice retirenment?...ye right.
Who can retire these days unless have been saving up since 12, or whatever. I mean the cost of living will just gobble up all your income in a year or less.
So anyways, I was just in one of those moods, sorta still am actually.
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Post by Admin on Sept 3, 2022 2:22:59 GMT
My mood was all over the map today.
So many things can effect our moods, from foods, additives in food, vitamins, liquor, drugs and more, and of course just our physical environment.
I felt decent at first, but then after eating deli food, mood changed, I got all calm, slow, but not drowsy, just mellow and grouchy.
And was grouchy until I got home from work.
Might be some new suppliments I'm taking...I don't know, or maybe I'm just fed up with the job, or maybe it's cause I woke up last night, and couldn't fall back to sleep...who knows...I just know I was cursing like a storm, but to myself while inside of truck.
But these newer trucks have cameras in them that always watch you, and so I curse that thing out to...I don't care, to old to care about stuff like that.
But odd, cause when home alone, and in a calm environment, I don't curse at all and turn into a mouse.
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Post by Admin on Sept 29, 2022 11:37:51 GMT
I thank Hurricane Ian for giving me many days off in a row
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Post by Admin on Sept 30, 2022 0:31:13 GMT
I wonder if I should renew a podbean podcast I have, it expired in May, but all data still saved, if I renew it for 14 dollars a month, is it worth it? I ask myself.
No one hardly listened to it anyways, so all I'd be doing is recovering some old podcasts which would be of more interest to me than others.
I've never made money from podcast or any other social media forum or platform, I'm just not good at it, not popular enough, so all I really do is entertain myself with all my writings and podcasts ect.
I'll never be a star, cause the public is picky about whom they want or chose to look up to, and I just don't have it
Sure, in person, I'm nice and all, but I just don't have star power, I don't have that whatever it takes to garner other peoples interest.
I'm the one everyone just prefers to ignore, for some reason, it's really as if I don't even exist.
That aside, I need to decide whether or not to renew podbean.
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Post by Admin on Oct 3, 2022 15:35:43 GMT
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Post by Admin on Oct 8, 2022 2:56:53 GMT
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Post by Admin on Oct 15, 2022 11:43:25 GMT
Gotta work today, then off for 5 days...it's why I'm still at this job, cause right when get burned out, then I get a string of days off.
More companies should do that cause we live in a new work era now...and that is common people no longer impressed with working long hours, 6 days a week, just to still and always be poor.
The labor is just not there anymore, people no longer enjoy doing long mundane jobs...that was for the era of large families, when the Father had no choice but to work some coal mining job to feed the family...things have changed.
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Post by Admin on Oct 15, 2022 11:46:42 GMT
And I think Hershal Walker did well last night.
Sure, they're not the best spoken person in any room, but they have wit and honesty, as honest as any of us, anyways.
But the media, well you know the media and who's side they're on, so they'll do their best to make it seem as if Hershal fumbled.
Well he didn't, to me he was sharper than that Pastor dude, but in his own way...and he'd of scored more points if that arrogant female moderator would of not interupted him so much.
Those arrogant female moderators are the ones who really annoy the F out of me, speaking to grown men as if they're kids.
If I had been on that stage I'd of given that 'B' some words.
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Post by Admin on Oct 17, 2022 8:58:09 GMT
My curse, or one of them, seems to always be surrounded by people who lack personalities...deadbeats, in other words.
Even those who move around me, in apartments, total social deadbeats...then why the F move near, around, or close to me??!!
Sick and tired of deadbeats who totally lack adventure and personality.
Life is short, if a deadbeat type, get the whatever out of my space so another can occupy it!
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Post by Admin on Nov 11, 2022 2:40:46 GMT
This song reminds me of some of the best years of my life, in Pullman, the middle school years
I'm a person of color, who was raised in the Pullman/Albion area back in the 70's and 80's, and so much of who I am comes from my perspective of that area when younger.
Here's one thing I can say though, a life note, and that is the difference between white folks and black folks, (cause I was first raised k-12 around white folks), is that white folks genuinely love themselves, take that for what it is, but it's true.
And I was raised in that environment to 'Love yourself', everything they did in that community was about self-love, which projected outwardly, and into anyone else raised in that same area, regardless of color. (At least back then, not sure how life there is now with all the wokeness stuff)
When I left Pullman for other areas, I immediately noticed that same 'self-love', was absent within the blacks I hung with, it just wasn't there, it was more of a jaded type of self like, but not self-love.
It was as if the majority of the B community or people, (cause not every black person is a part of a community) just wasn't taught to love self, the way whites were, and it showed.
And it still shows in that still, so many black folks trying to get the approval of 'whites', as if they've tied themselves, their well-being, mental well-being to white folks, like a baby who doesn't ever want to stop suckling.
And white folks created this monster baby known as 'black', and the baby just won't let go.
There's a lot of phycology behind that.
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Post by Admin on Nov 20, 2022 3:13:40 GMT
I don't feel I'm accountable to anyone who isn't paying my bills
I'm not accountable to anyone who isn't paying my bills or my way through life, that means absolutely no one.
My employer would be the closest thing to that, but even that's based on a conditional relationship.
But outside of my employer, if I passed away today, not a soul would care, so be it, than why should I care about others?
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Post by Admin on Nov 24, 2022 13:46:24 GMT
It's Thanksgiving day  It's T day, and so far all I've done is workout in the park, but that's a big deal to me, cause could of gone the other route of drinking, it's easy to go the drinking route on any holiday, especially when spending it alone. But this time, for whatever reason, I feel like staying sober...maybe tonight, right before bed, one beer, maybe, but not feeling it now. Why do I feel like being sober this Thanksgiving? Cause I need myself right now, I need my wits about me in a big way, and when 'yourself' is all you have to rely on, well. Well, than, I need self to be sharp, and not making stupid decisions. Also, I need self, body, to feel physically good, in shape, cause when in shape less pain, walking is easier, the job I work is easier, everything becomes easier when in shape, which puts you in a more optimistic hopeful mood, that pain will rob you of. And pain drains you of your energy, cause if in pain, it's very distracting, be it back pain, stomach pain, nerve pain any kind of pain, even emotional pain will totally drain you. So, being in shape helps hold some of that stuff off. Anyways, it's time to get on with some other stuff.
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