A very long Journey since leaving Pullman

But I'd rather live an empty life than one filled with strife and controversy, as in relationship controversy, which is the worst kind.



Women can be viscous and mean, and the man is just expected to take it.
Lust, in a man, usually over comes that when younger, but when older, and not as lustful, you're not as tolerant of that crap.

Women can be like grown kids, and act very emotionally immature at times, not sure if I need all that stress in my life right now, or ever, at this stage.

What does Pullman still mean to me after all these years?
I don't know, I suppose now it's simply a anchor to my past.
I guess we all need a past to hang onto.

Does's your cellphone camera make you look different?

Also, I notice that women are hazardous to a mans health, especially as he ages.
Is why most older females are widowed or the man they were with is dead and gone, why is that?

Even in movies, women get men killed....why?

1. When a mans around a woman, his ego makes him do things, he normally wouldn't if alone, as in fighting, challenging others, bravado type of stuff.

2. When a man with a woman, at least on the street level, he takes more chances, risks more, cause knows if he goes to jail, his wife will be there for him when he gets out, wife or lover...but when a man is single, no such person to bail them out so such man tends to make better decisions in life.

3. I wonder how many older women deliberately kill their lovers, husbands, for life insurance, inheritance type of stuff?
Many women tire of their man, after a certain age, and would rather have the money than the bother of being with an older corpse they no longer have feeling for.

And I could go on.
I just notice, seems men who pair with women, don't seem to live all that long, unless the man is wealthy.

I feel a bit hollow right now on the inside

1. Ending a long lasting show (for me it was long) that aired weekly and is what gave me purpose for the last year or so.

2. Decided a woman I met while drunk, in the end, just has to many ties to the streets, as such I don't feel confident that I can bring them into my life.
And what sucks about that is we were getting along great, had a lot in common, still do, but unlike me, they have a criminal past and other lose ends, and they still associate with scum on the streets.

I just can't have that kind of stuff in my life, so I suppose I'm feeling a bit bummed out about it not being able to work out, cause I really was beginning to to care about them.
But I have to protect myself as well.

Continued from above

Even cops do it, trained to always see you as a threat rather than as an ally.
And instead of saying 'Hey, you got potential, why don't you join our team?'

Instead they get into the whole 'Me cop, you suspect' posture, mental posture.

Again, I just don't understand people, not sure I ever will.
Well I do, and if want to know the truth, humans really not that much different than insects...and I mean that in a phycological way.