Moods

Moods can really shift, one day in the mood to do this, the next day don't want nothing to do with 'that'.

One day mood makes you feel optimistic about life, the next day your mood just makes you want to hide.

Some moods are chemically based, drug based, and other moods are just internal moods that stir about for various reasons.

Moods come and go, even animals, who don't do drugs or drink, have mood swings.

I feel like if I didn't wake up tomorrow, I just wouldn't care.

I don't say that in a good or bad way, it's just I figure I've been alive long enough to know patterns.

Nothings going to change, I'll continue to just get by while things get harder.

Life won't get any easier as health fades, simply more problems will arise.

I'll continue to see those who are 'evil', get ahead, prosper and do things that I cannot.

And I'll continue to be the odd one out, and always and forever wonder 'why?', why this, why that.

Nothing will change, so living on another year, or 3 or 10 or 20, really?

For what?

Is what current mood telling me.

At times it can be easy to just want to drink yourself into a good mood.

I don't like feeling unhappy, it's just not a good feeling, although I think my feeling of unhappiness at the moment has more to do with that post drinking effect...and other stuff.

I've found that the better over all shape you're in, the less negative affect booze or beer has on your body and mind.
But if drink hard, and out of shape, the booze will mess up both your mind and body.

I woke up this morning with sense of sadness as I prepare for work.
Maybe cause I met someone at the store, a few days ago, while in party mode, but now that sober, and working again, maybe the realization that there really is no woman/companion for me, is hitting, in that i have a very theatrical colored past (art only), but art is everything, and who would understand that?

Only someone into theater or 'the arts' would, and or abstract thinking, but your typical life lived, male or female, just wouldn't, cause they've never been alone as long as I have.
When alone, nature always seeks a balance, even if that balance comes from within, if not, you'd lose your mind, at least that's my therory.
That aside, I can feel I'm at some internal crossroad.
I mean was already considering just moving and starting over from scratch, as a way of force giving myself a restart in life.

Sometimes just starting over invigorates you again, even if have to struggle again, but in today's internet/ AI world, can you really start over anymore?
I mean everything just follows you whether in America or Egypt or Switzerland.

And why would I ever want to delete my past?
It's my past that got me here when no one else did.
The world gave up on me, but I kept going anyhow...so it's not that past, that got me here that I should shun, ratehr it's those who abandoned me are the ones I should shun.
Better yet, don't shun nothing and just keep going forward until I can't.

I think the fact that social media no longer allows common people to 'get out', like days of old, has affected my mood lately.
And maybe for years, my mood was generally higher cause I felt in my mind, my ideas were allowed to be heard on social media, but as of late that has changed.
Now, social media continues to put of walls, pay walls, and more and more, if not an elite politician or celebrity, or musician, it's just harder and harder to get your voice and opinion heard.
And it's not just me who recognizes the changes.
Like for instance, on twitter, if you're not willing to subscribe to the 'blue check mark' subscription, than your tweets are thwarted and only get minimum views...it's the same on FB now, everything is become subscription based, you have to play to pay.

Leave it to greedy, power hungry man to even finally wreck and destroy the free flowing information that the internet used to offer, not anymore, cause now it's all controlled and manipulated.

That mood you're in when you just know, feel like, you've lost



That mood you fall into when you just know you can't win, when you're certain destiny is against you, at least in a favorable way.
And when the forces that are holding you back or sabotaging your path, stay ever just out of your way, which makes it worse, cause then you have no one to confront.

Either way, it's a eerie mood to fall into.