To do list

I haven't been so enthused about 'to do lists' as of late, just going through a odd period in my life right now, things are changing.
Nature changes, has seasons, well so do living beings.

Moods shift, things come and go, outlooks on life change, sometimes you feel good about your future, other times your own future seems horrifying.
Sometimes you're in good health, sometimes your health worrisome.

Right now, my physical health is good, would be better if I'd stop drinking beer on the side, but my outlook on my future isn't so hot, I just don't feel so positive about my future anymore, but moments like this come and go.
Next week, I may feel happy about my future, once again, we shall see.

Time to create a 'to do list'....otherwise I won't get anything done today on my last day before work.
Then gotta work for 3 days in a row, which will totally destroy my spirit.

Thinking about just quitting, or resigning and just taking like 2 whole months off.

I mean this idea that once reach a certain age, that you have to continually work non stop until dead, says who?

When I was younger, I remember our teachers would often take 1 year sabbaticals, just a whole year off to do whatever they felt like doing.

I wonder why people stopped doing that?
Sabbaticals were trendy in the 70's.

Anyways, time to get some stuff done.

Once again, today's gonna turn into a 'to do list' type of day, cause if I don't create a to do list, I'll just sit around all day staring at the walls or the computer screen and get absolutely nothing at all done.

When you have to create and operate off of a 'to do list', it means you don't really have a meaningful life, that would be me at the moment.
It's up to me to make life meaningful, but hard to do that when there's no meaningful people in your social sphere.

But none the less, I need to get on with the day by doing stuff, something, anything.

Phone has been off for over 24 hours...I forgot I had it turned off, makes turning it back on even scarier.

If I don't stick to the 'to do list', I won't get anything done, cause as of late, my brain has been very lazy.
I'll just sit and mentally drift unless have a list of things to do, and even lately that barely works.

That 'umph' in me, that forward driving juice I used to have, is just not there as of late, and sometimes I wonder if that 'umph', was really driven by booze over the years, rather than me actually being genuinely enthused about things.

When you stop drinking, you really do have to get to know yourself all over again.

I heard once, the year you start drinking is the year you stop maturing...so if I started drinking, say, 10 years ago, that means my maturity level stopped 10 years ago.

That could be good or bad, cause the older you get, maturity stops mattering after a while as you near the grave.
I mean it's not like maturity can defeat death....and who wants to be an old wooden no humor stiff type anyways?

I think, however, maturity does matter when a parent, and raising a family, but if alone, by yourself, not so much...what matters is to have fun, generate your own fun, because when alone, no one else will generate it for you.

Anyhow, wasting time on here when I need to finish up what I was doing on the 'to do list'.
Also, Halloween is nearing...cool.
October has always been my favorite month.
Not so much where I live now, cause in certain urban areas, or Southern areas, B folks to deadened on the inside to celebrate different holidays...the only holidays these B folks down here celebrate is rap music...24/7 rap music.

Gross.

I need the 'to do list' to bail me out of my mental slump today.

When 'in hell', you just kind of want to sit still, but I suppose, one decision at a time, I need to navigate my way out of this mess.

To most, they'd be like 'what are you talking about?'

Well, it's all about expectations you set for yourself, desires, wants, needs, and when you feel you've failed on all fronts, do to other peoples incompetence, spinelessness, cowardliness, and just general traits that make humans so fake and frail.

It makes you look at others even with more disdain than before...but is that healthy?