/When alone

When alone, reality is different to said person who is alone

When alone, reality is different to the one who is alone, than to others.

1. When alone, there is no God or Satan, (or anything in between) just self, and if God or Satan exists, they're elements within own biochemical make up, within own brain or personality, but not external.

2. When alone, there is no love or hate, or anything in between, rather just life sustaining bodiley functions, most of which are automated.

3. When alone there is no hug, hugging, nothing, just 'air', or furniture that touches you when you sit down on it, thus you know you're alive cause you can 'feel' the fabric.

4. When alone, crying doesn't matter, cause no one hears, kind of like a try falling in a forest, if no ones there, it really never happened.

Many cry anyways, when alone, cause early own they feel 'god' must be listening, watching, and surely 'god' will respond to 'my crying', like parents do to baby in a crib.

But after time, one learns unless another human responds, there's nothing there, nothing (excluding pets who have no say in society)

5. The most evil people in the world, are NOT alone, but rather surrounded by many, either out of fear, or money or whatever, in that even evil people fear being alone and so will do whatever to keep people around them, they'll lie, manipulate whatever, and it seems to work.

But if 'good', and alone, none of those tactics are deployed, and instead just accept the fact that 'I'm alone'.

And if always alone, than most importantly, one should question the type of people around them, who are perfectly OK with 'them' being alone.

Your own life will destroy you.

Come get me...if can.

I'm a ghost.

Is it better to have it rough, yet not be alone, as in have family, friends, ect?
Or is it better to be alone and relatively safe, yet have no one to confide in?

I'm pretty much out of food and time



I'm pretty much out of food, time and luck.

Life, for most of us, just sucks.
We have moments, maybe even seasons of blissfulness that are surrounded by bad weather, doom and gloom.

For a while there, we think we're all special, unique, but then life circumstances tells us otherwise.
Just depends on fate, I suppose.
If fate is on your side, than you cannot lose, but if fate is against you, forget about it.

Anyways, time is catching me.

I hate time, I hate the future, I hate tomorrow, I hate next week.
I wish I had something, someone, stronger than myself to lean on.

I try to look at what makes other people happy, and here's what I observe

1. Family

2. Projects, hobbies, side interests

3. Friends

4. Money, not ever having the feeling of being broke or not being able to pay bills, and being able to move to whatever location you desire

Unhappy people tend to be fiscally trapped, and forced to live in areas around dampy, hoodlum types, who offer no inspiration at all what so ever.

5. Also, health, usually happy people are in good or decent health.

It's Tuesday



It's Tuesday, and I'm not gonna lie, I feel like utter crap right now.
My mood is off, my bodies chemistry, or physiological balance feels off as well.
And on top of that parts of my body aches...I'm just a mess today.
And it's probably only going to get worse, phycologically and even fiscally, and in other ways.

Also, I have no one to lean on for comfort, not a soul, yet still trying to do the right thing for 'devils'.

I've learned this, and that is you cannot ever please devils, ever.
Devils hate you unconditionally. You'll go broke trying to please devils, and then what?

As I sit here typing this, at this moment, I just feel doomed.
Next week, I have to go somewhere I don't want to go, but when drunk/drinking, I booked a ticket out of impulse.
The devil is also in the 'bottle', and then gets ahold of your mind and makes you do stupid things you later regret.

Right now, I have no answers or solutions, other than to try to reclaim my body, my health, my mind and my spirit, cause that's my only defense in this world.

Health is everything, without health, and not being loved, than one may as well just roll over and die.
But I'm to healthy to roll over and die, so until then will continue to get tormented by this world, my world, and those I was cursed to be born around.

It's Saturday



When life just starts coming at you hard from all directions, what do you do?
Hardship doesn't care if you surrender...nor does evil.

Evil never stops until you're dead, evil will never stop trying to drain you of your sanity until you're dead and gone.

So, what do ya do in the meantime, fight?

To fight, you have to have motivation...love, or even maybe a sense of revenge can help one fight back, I suppose.
But if just you, alone and isolated, alienated, then what?

Anyways, it's Saturday, laid in bed most of the morning, in and out of sleep tormenting myself with my 'mind monster'.
I think most monsters live in our minds, so does god, heaven, hell, demons, and just about everything else that constructs our own personal realities.

Anyways, it's Saturday, I have stuff to do.
Things could change drastically for me here soon, hopefully for the better.
I'd like to be settled before the full blunt of winter hits...meaning if I'm going to move, would rather do so soon while the weather is still somewhat moderate in most places.