Saturday moments

Just got home from job, and in a bit of pain, not sure what it is, in pretty decent shape for my age, but lately pain.

Like in chest cavity area, then sometimes moves over to left arm area, like nerves or something.

I've had it before in the past but it's gone away much sooner, this time seems to be lingering and is very distracting.

Pain, physical and or medical pain really does distract.

And I don't want to go to the doctor, cause well, what if it's something I just don't have the insurance to get cured of?

But then again, I think I just need some penicillin to get rid of whatever slight infection I could have do to inflammation do to eating the wrong kinds of food.

I don't know.

I may go to a walk in clinic on Monday, unless can get penicillin without doing all of that. Doctors are about meaningless to me, and this idea
that us citizens have to go through one to get what we know what's best for us is absurd and unholy, if you ask me.

F a doctor, is how I see it...other than trauma doctors, now them, yes, I do respect.

I'm my own doctor, just give me access to the medicine I already know I need....why the F should I have to pay 'the system', a doctor, to tell me what I already know?

If the pain doesn't go away, I'll probably go to the doctor though, just to get some penicillin.

And I've stopped drinking and stopped drinking coffee as well and milk. (research)

But seems certain other ingrediants in foods makes the pain come back, like before I left I ate some of these



Pre-made meatballs in meat section or some section, maybe I should of read the ingredients.

Maybe body just becoming sensitive to certain chemicals food corporations are putting in the food.

Who knows.

Maybe I should just 'fast' for a few days, let everything pass through system and start from scratch and only eat non processed food like fruits, and raw vegetables steamed ect.

But eating junk food never bothered me in the past, maybe my immune system has been comprimised from drinking, who knows.

Life is tough, and fate just seems to be cruel to me.

Also, the things that earn you money later, are what are boring to do when at home, like writing, and other prep stuff for the work week.

Instant gratification, social media, has waned a lot of peoples patients to take the time to write out a book.

It's Saturday, and I'm off.
I worked yesterday, and off again until Wed..

I love this scheduale but it is kind of making me a bit lazy.

So much time, but nothing to really fill it, well that's not true, nothing exuberating to fill it with.

When spend so much of time alone, just hard to find inspiration to do stuff.

Keeping me so very much alone all the time is the greatest weapon the devil could of ever deployed against me (assuming there's a devil)

Alone, I'm like a battle ship that just sits, with no weapons or crew to man it.

And I really can't forgive, ever, those who abandoned me and left me for dead.

Can't ever forgive them for the years they have stolen from me by not being there.

That aside, it's a nice day out, I really should get something done other than sitting around in place like a old washed up elder.

It's Saturday, and I'm off.

Very odd work week, hardly worked at all, then worked one day, then off again, that really throws you off your vibe.

Work mode of mind, and off mode of mind are so different, and hard to shift back and forth so rapidly.

That aside, off today, will probably start with a to do list, or I'll just sit around thinking about stuff and not getting anything done.

In the past, I'd just might start drinking, and plan day around that, but since drinking no longer a part of who I am or what I do, I actually have to fill the day with meaningful tasks....cool, I guess.

Got to be careful about allowing outside forces, meaning any force or intent outside your own, ruining your day or even weekend.

At my age, here's what I've learned.

Only I take care of me, as such not obligated to answer the phone, ever, unless it's my employer.

That aside, not obligated to nothing or no one since nothing and no one ever helps me, and doesn't care if I'm alive or dead.

And I mean that religiously.

And so if not bringing me good news, cash money, anything that will better my mood and life, than get lost.

Just happy to be home, resting, after a long 3 days of work.

Just happy to be home, don't to much care what happens tomorrow, or about world headline news, I'm just happy to be home right now, where I can relax on this Saturday night.