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Post by Admin on Oct 1, 2023 5:29:15 GMT
I'm totally annoyed by people who complain about being rich, they annoy the hell out of me, such types.  |
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Post by Admin on Oct 8, 2023 4:08:33 GMT
I can tell it's getting cooler now, cause now I only have one or two fans blowing on me, vs the 4 I had blowing on me a few weeks ago...where I'm at, cooler temperatures arrive in the mid to late fall.
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Post by Admin on Oct 27, 2023 4:17:01 GMT
It's like 12:10 am, I gotta work tomorrow, not sure where my mood is right now.
Not sure where I fit into anything anymore, lifes becoming more like a bad dream, but then after a while you just start accepting that it's a bad dream, as one by one, everyone's hopes and dreams begin to crumble, people die, get in car accidents, get sick, get old, get addicted to drugs, join gangs that hurt others.
But I'll take all of that over being a slave, back in 1781, picking cotton in the deep south....what a miserable life that must of been, with no end in site...
I mean to have been born, and died a slave, and to have known nothing else, gross.
It must of seemed like a forever system that would never end to those born in the middle of it all.
But I think it's the racism that came out of slavery that to me, was more of a sin than slavery itself.
It's the belief system that whites developed towards those slaves, is where the true evil laid.
Anyways, so ye, I can pout all I want about my life, but on my worst day in 2023, compares nothing to having a bad day back in 1701, if a slave, and seen as nothing more than a human shovel.
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Post by Admin on Jan 26, 2024 12:52:41 GMT
Before work time.
As I laid in bed before getting up, I laid there, 'just there'...meaning no happy emotions or thoughts at all.
It's like there was nothing in my mind, in my immediate future, that made me happy.
Instead, just a long day of mundane blue collar job to look forward to, working while going broke in slow motion.
But there was no joy, happiness, nothing.
How did my life get this way?
And or how can I fix it, or can I at my age?
Or is it just a early morning, just woke up thing?
But you know, the dreams I had before I woke up made me happy.
No money involved, just people and relationships, and so maybe that's what my real life lacks, is people in it who have personalities, and are fun to be around.
Love, feeling loved, being around loving people, is what will make you happy, and that's what I'm realizing.
But you can't force others to love you...lol.
Oh well, time to get ready for this job..
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Post by Admin on Mar 17, 2024 6:31:28 GMT
Don't lie about other people
It's hard for even a good person to overcome lies.
But who's worse, the liar or those who chose to believe those lies?
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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2024 6:14:29 GMT
Well, it's about time for bed.
The next 3 months will be interesting for sure, heck, the next two weeks.
I hope things go as I intend them to.
Just tired of playing the 'game'.
I read now where even squatters, homeless squatters in New York, California, Oregon, can move into people homes, even Mansions, and if there for 30 days, cannot be kicked out and must be treated like tenants.
I mean what kind of madness is this?
It's these odd, Ivy League, raised rich, elite White types on the left, who pass all these insane laws that effect every day people, and not them..(not yet anyways)
And black folks dumb enough to vote for politicians who say it's OK for someone to move into your vacant home, or spare home, or for sale home, for free, are dumb as a rock.
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Post by Admin on Mar 26, 2024 11:06:48 GMT
Since leaving last job, about 3 weeks ago, and since not drinking beer in about a week, my sleep pattern has really taken a turn for the weird.
It's like I don't need as much sleep now (maybe cause not burning as many calories during the day or stressing out, since not employed at the moment)
I mean I go to sleep late, as in 2 am, then wake up at 5-7 am, and feel fully charged, but then usually go back to sleep around 9 am, and wake up again around 12-1 pm...odd.
But hey, nothing on the schedule so I just roll with it.
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Post by Admin on May 2, 2024 12:02:32 GMT
Sometimes I feel time just isn't my friend anymore, and it really isn't.
Time isn't anyone's friend, most know that, but don't dwell on it (or maybe some do but don't write about it as I do)
Lately I'm going the sober route, in that drinking less and less, cause now I've kind of found something to fill that void in my life with, which, however, kind of brings it's own anxieties and worries.
Studying, school, trying to learn a new craft, at my age.
I should of just kept my life simple, what was I thinking?
I wasn't, it was a spontaneous decision, and as usual, done when I was under the influence of a few beers.
It's just my life felt so hollow, I'm older, sure, but you still need meaning to make life seem worth living.
I don't have a family life, so I needed something else to fill that void moving forward.
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I'm not bringing in any money right now, I need to.
I need to apply for some kind of aid, like others do, this being honorable stuff just doesn't pay the bills.
Our government sending out billions and billions to everyone else, maybe it's time I see if I qualify for some of that, after all I'm a Navy vet, yet never use any of my benefits, or any other benefits.
Maybe I need to apply for unemployment also.
Google search really sucks now, so hard to find good info online now days.
Everything sucks now, mans need to always make a profit, is why so much stuff just sucks now.
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Post by Admin on May 2, 2024 12:06:37 GMT
I've lived a really fiscally sloppy life, up till now, and still am...drinking has really just made me neglect my own future in so many ways.
Is it to late for me to change things around?
If I stay sober, I can do anything, if I allow drinking to slip back into my life, oh well.
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Post by Admin on May 5, 2024 4:45:59 GMT
I don't really understand me right now.
My life feels like a movie within itself, but only to me.
Things have changes so much over the past 3 months.
Can I adopt?
Will I continue to make a fool out of myself to others in this new world I've created for myself?
It's only when I drink a few beers, do I get a bit 'honest' and probably seem a bit looney to some.
But even then it's only through emailing or texting or maybe a phone call, cause I never socialize in public anymore.
Even though I got a cool, newer sports car now, I still stay my butt at home on the weekends and Friday and Saturday nights, or any night.
I just don't go out anymore...where would I go?
I'm single, have no friends, where would I go?
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Anyways...my life makes zero sense to me right now.
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Post by Admin on May 5, 2024 5:32:52 GMT
Sometimes I wonder if some of us are just born to lose.
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Post by Admin on May 5, 2024 5:34:23 GMT
I still have the shoe box of a shoe I haven't worn in years, and no longer even own...wow.
I simply use the box now to prop laptop up on...but just noticed that fact.
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Post by Admin on May 5, 2024 5:35:39 GMT
Seems the more money you have, the less other peoples opinion even matters about you.
Money tends to heal you...not so much the money, but rather the not being in need part is what kind of seems to heal you.
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Post by Admin on May 5, 2024 5:36:51 GMT
Not sure what else I'm put down on this earth to prove.
I've seen the nature of man, I can never impress man/men or woman.
Not really sure what my purpose is anymore.
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Post by Admin on Jun 8, 2024 13:34:49 GMT
More like late morning thoughts, however, it's still the morning time, around 9:21 am my time.
Yesterday felt like a physiological train wreck for me, cause I drank the following night, and had some red bull (just a little). And when you mix energy drinks with booze, ye, you feel great while peaking, but then afterwards, you crash.
It's not good to get the body energized and then drink at the same time...called burnout or hangover or whatever you want to call it.
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As laying on air mattress minutes ago and contemplating the new day...as I get older, I think it's a terrible than to make the elderly or sick, live while in pain or etc, just to make the mind of some Christain elsewhere feel better.
The minute I get sick, or am done living, I don't need to be here...and my _____ is my 'Escape clause', medicine and everything else.
Life has been desolate enough for me while healthy, how much worse will it be when I get sick and can't take care of myself.
No one likes me now, so what, is suddenly people going to like me more when I'm sick?
People have already cast me off as dead, dead to their lives, years, decades ago...so living while sick would prove what to whom?
Some pro-life person far away whom I don't know?
Dr Kevorkian, that suicide assist doctor from the 80's, they don't seem so bad to me, not then, not now.
I mean those he helped pass, while they were sick and bed riddened, they were going to die anyways, and this idea that god still has a plan for your life when 83, bed ridden and in pain, is ridiculous to me.
Not only that, but not everyone is bound by scriptures.
If a so called 'unsaved' person wants to die, let them die...but they're only 'unsaved' to a person who subscribes hook line and sinker to the men who wrote scripture.
No one has a copyright on God or salvation, not Muslims, not Christain, nor Jews.
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