Sobriety and the challenges of

Don't know what's going on with body as of late.

I figured after not drinking alcohol for nearly a month now or so, or around, that I'd feel much better, but I really don't.

I mean energy level is higher, yes, but as far as body aches, no, body aches in weird spots like in arms and stuff.

Not sure if that's do to withdrawal or do to nerves coming back to life or who knows.

And it seems I have more bags under my eyes now than I did when I drank.

It seems my face looks more saggy and tired now, than it did when I drank.

I don't know what's going on, I just know I haven't felt normal in a bit over a month.

Drinking like gives you fake, short term, fueled energy and bravado

I've been pretty much sober lately, but have had a few beers here and there, but always, as of late, stop, why?

Cause the contrast becomes even more evident to me how wasteful getting drunk is (Unless have already made it to the top)

All getting drunk does is make you want to talk big, talk tough, talk about what you want to do, but then when it comes to actually executing out those plans, it never happens, cause when not drinking your moral is low, and or you're in bed sleeping it off, so nothing ever gets done or accomplished.

Now that I'm sober 99% of the time, I can see that.

I've fallen back twice in one month, and both times before I downed 2 cans of beers, I always just stop at around 1.8 beers, why?

Cause I can see the trap I'll fall back into, I mean sure, I'll have that 1 or 2 hours of feeling 'ha ha, hee hee' moment where I can solve anything and over come the world and am the smartest go getter ever, but then after that, it's a steady decline downward, and the downward effects of drinking last a lot longer than the drinking itself.

I mean if could get drunk or feel drunk without drinking, cool, but as of now one cannot do that, as such one suffers the harmful physical and phycological effects of alcohol, so best just not to drink at all.

And it's important that one is able to tell themself that, have that conversation with self, in order for it to actually begin to stick.

Now that have stopped drinking regularly for over 2 months, my skin, facial skin, feels smoother and softer to me, and looks better as well.

I wonder how many years of good looks I robbed of self by drinking?

I had a temporary set back yesterday and the day before.

I drank a few beers, but hasn't effected my weight, the momentum of sobriety is to strong now for a few nights of drinking to effect it.

I just fell into a mood yesterday that made me want to drink.

I looked in the mirror, looked really good and trim, and that made me feel very lonely cause I had no one to share self with.

I mean what's the point of looking good and trim if always alone?

And so I rebelled by drinking, but it only effected me, so really only hurt self.

Not that I hurt self, but just saying my drinking doesn't impact anyone else, at least not physically.

And I want to stay fit now cause I like looking good, and don't want younger people I find attractive to think I'm over the hill.

Also, another reason that makes me not want to drink anymore is cause I think those who have written 'me' off expect me to just end up a useless drunk or something, so when I drink now, it's like a see their faces taunting me, as if that's what they want, so that they can prove themselves correct.

And I notice the more right you are, the more wrong they are, the more they ignore you.

It's more important for them to be 'right', than for you to be whole.

And I got rid of all sorts of numbers, phone numbers, as to not make a fool out of myself while on the phone and drunk.

Talk to people who hate me, or who have abandoned me, or whom I have zero value to.

All there phones numbers deleted from my phone, even tossed out older address book.
I mean if they're not there for me, they're not there for me, and have to realize that going forward I have no past foundation of anything or anyone.

It's that time of the day, when really tempted to have a drink.



So many times in the past, I would already be drinking or drunk, cause it's that time of the day, the day before work, nothing going on, and so want to drink to counter that doom and gloom feel of the next day.

That doom and gloom feel of being owned ahead of time.

But now, now, I know better, not saying I don't still have the urge, but I do know better now, and know that I'll actually feel better tomorrow if zero alcohol in my system.

I mean it would be nice if could have the same uphoric feeling being drunk gives you, without actually having to drink, thus get hit with all the side effects.

Right now I have steady energy, herbal tea energy, it's steady, I'm healthy, and in no pain, all because I stopped drinking so much.

But still, there's always that stubborn rebel side in ya that still, knowing all that, that still wants to tempt fate and have a drink, as if it'll be different 'this time', but it never is.

I think body just processes alcohol different as we age and as our organs get more mileage on them.

Getting drunk at 19 isn't the same as getting drunk above the age of 45, it just isn't.
Unless maybe reached the age of 45 and above and never had a drink before, I don't know.

All I know is, in the past, I'd of given into the urge to drink right now, and it always starts with a few beers, which helps ya not feel so alone.

Drinking hugged me for many years, when no one else would.