Sobriety and the challenges of

Drinking puts like a layer of chub on your face...until that layer of chub is gone, I won't feel totally like I won.

It can take weeks for that layer of chub or face fat, to go away, but when it does, you start to look so much better and youthful, and your face skin is tighter on you, especially if already thin to begin with.

Got drunk like a fool yesterday...as in 2 nights ago...and well, wrote some stilly stuff, said some silly stuff on the phone, texted some silly stuff, and now I feel a bit ashamed, cause it really wasn't me, it was the booze.

Going through a bit of a post drinking depression right now.

I drank, don't want to say hard, but had many cans of beer yesterday night, and said some things, texted some things, that I now feel embarrassed and or even ashamed of, and that feeling has lingered in me all day long, not to mention the usual effects of having a hang over.

Although hang overs feel different as you age, with me it's more of a mood hang over and or a combo of many or a few physiological reactions.

I can usually recover more quickly, in that I happen to be in OK shape, exercise daily, which makes it worse at times, cause when you feel healthy and fit, you, or I, tend to think I can drink more...but that's not true at all.

Also, because I'm going through a post drinking emotional slump, I don't really know what my true mood is...I won't for a few more days once the booze wears off and I forget about last night and early morning today.

Time has a way of healing all, the more time separates you from a bad moment or event, the less you dwell on it, until finally it doesn't even register with you emotionally anymore....unless a truly bad event.
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And while riding bike today, got a flat tire, so had to walk like 3 miles or so to get back home.

I bike just about daily, so I'm going to have to get that tire fixed real soon, maybe tomorrow, if can find a decent bike shop, or may have to change the tire myself.

Why even have air filled tires on bikes anymore, why not just like solid foam or something, like fill the outer layer of tire with foam, that way a simply tac can't deflate it.

Anyways, not feeling any better, not even after writing this...that gloomy mood is still lingering.

It's Halloween



It's Halloween!

It's been a few days since checked in here.
I just woke up from a deep mid afternoon nap, I mean deep, so deep I dreamed.

Guys wrestling, high-school or dormitory cafeteria type of settings, like a bunch of different past dreams all merging together.

Even dreamed of some older upper classmates from both K-12 to an academy I went to once later in life.
All these settings and characters just all kind of merged into one.

Guys, white guys, younger ones, wrestling and getting mad at one another when one got hurt.
Their white bright clean feets stood out to me on the mat.
Homeless people, mentally ill people, were also within this odd super dormitory type of structure.

Oh well, I'm awake now, and my real life is no where near that dynamic or exciting.
Just the opposite, and a lot of uncertainty is looming around me right now.

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Yesterday I drank, like a fool, and I think I'm still feeling it today in a strange way.

Went to Walmart earlier to get some Halloween stuff, forget it, 50% off of what was left, and the isles were cleared and the women were flocking over what was left...what a waste of my time this morning going there twice...yes twice, cause when there the first time I forgot my wallet, drove back home, back to Walmart just for them to not have anything...what a waste.

Then drove to 7 Eleven and got some backed chicken in the deli and a slice of pizza....came home, looked at some pretty W male young feet, and took a nap...lol.

I like things that are soft and pretty, could care the less what gender they are.
Not all women are soft and pretty to me, some, as they age, morph into things I don't even recognizes...at least not my sexuality or what's left of it.

I look better to myself than even some older when do to me, sucks to be me in that aspect.

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Anyhow, up now, I feel drugged or something, maybe the food I ate?
Our foods are heavily responsible for our moods, after all we are what we eat, literally.
We're made up of what we eat and nothing else.

And with that, will wrap up this first extensive Halloween post on here and the last day of Oct 24th, 2004.

I started drinking earlier...maybe 3 beers, but instead of continuing, I cooked up some potatoes and ate those instead to supplement that drinking feeling.



In other words those softly fried potatoes satisfied that thick gut feeling beer would normally give me...and I'm glad, cause drinking till smashing drunk is not something my body needed tonight, or me.