Sobriety and the challenges of

Today just sucked, just one of those days that pretty much totally sucked, do to the decisions I made, and mainly to drink self silly earlier.

I don't normally do that anymore, but today, I don't know, woke up and body just felt bad, and I just needed an escape.

Oh well, worse things I could of done today other than drinking while alone.

Although I did end up calling PO offices, I do that when feeling alone and no one else to talk to.

Here's how I'm going to cure my desire to drink once and for all

Volunteering and making sure every bit of my free time, when not at work, is filled with activity.

That's really the only way for me, cause when just sitting around and the sun begins to set, and am off from work, the feeling of loneliness always makes me want to drink. I don't always give in, but still, sometimes I do.

And in order to remedy that, I need to fill my time with activity, and gosh dern it, if I don't have enough to do for self, than bi gosh, I'll volunteer my time and energy to help others...that's the only way.

I will simply start sharing myself with the world, in a positive way, then I want have time to think about drinking.

So come next week, yes, my life and so will that of others, be different.

And by me putting self out there, then and only then will I start meeting cool people again.

Cause the ones in my life now, or in the past, didn't appreciate me, so F them.

As far as drinking goes, the above aside, the battle still continues, I had like 6 days off or so last week, and with all that time off, I did drink a few beers on a few nights, I just caved do to the loneliness.

It's one thing when have another to help fill your time, but when trying to fill so much time alone, it can be difficult to not want a beer to help you forget you're alone.
Is why going forward will start trying to volunteer self, when not busy, to keep my time filled with activity.

Anyways, it's a worknight, time to wind it all down soon, wake up, and do it again tomorrow.

I throw away numbers, cause when I drink, I get lonely, sometimes, and end up calling or texting folks who really have no use for me, nor do I them, anymore, but when drunk all reason goes out the window.

So to protect my own dignity, I throw away those numbers, so when drunk can't find the number even if I wanted to.

That way I figure if they never call me back, they should of never been in my life.

Tossed away another number this morning.

That's how you keep your life clean, throw away every and anything that isn't good to you or for you.

I'm realizing now, what I need more to help my over all health, other than to not drink, is to be happy, and how can I be happy?

To do what I say I'm going to do, in other words to actually accomplish stuff, rather than just say or boast about things when drunk and or when sober.

Accomplishing things is what makes us happy, is what makes me happy, following through on promises either to others or to self, that's what makes me happy.
And if happy, everything else just kind of falls into place, you stop drinking, you stop doing this or that, ect.

I mean I've done the whole sobriety thing, lost weight, looked sexy to self and others, looked way younger than my age, but on the inside I wasn't really happy cause I still really wasn't accomplishing anything.

I mean I know it's kind of a 'no duh' suggestion to most, but then again it really isn't, cause being unhappy just kind of sneaks up on you, you soon become complacient with failure and failing and so stop trying.

Yep, I need to succeed at something, and not only that but I need for others to stop letting me down, ripping me off, and not fully being there for me.

So ye, happiness involves many layers, but the main first layer is to accomplish stuff, and only then will you start attracting winners into you life.

But as long as always failing, you attract others who to, always and only fail, and then no one goes anywhere but down.

Been drinking more than I'm comfortable with lately, not sure why.

I just need to stop, again, though, was doing so well a few weeks ago.

With alcohol, you have to either do it or totally stop, that in between stuff don't work with those with hard drinking personalities.

Although hard to me is a few beers, which would make some laugh.

Ye, I don't have time to feel ashamed anymore, lifes to short for that.
As long as I don't physically hurt anyone, which I've never done, than why should I be ashamed for being alive??