A very long Journey since leaving Pullman

Rumble Fish



One of the coolest movies ever, to me, it's so abstract.
It's done in black and white, and the way the movie uses shades, and contrasting dark and light, and not to mention Matt Dillan was at his stunning prime, or near it.

Amazing how a movie can be so ahead of it's time, and that no other movie like it has really been produced since.
Watching it on amazon.
The love Matt (not character name) had for his older brother, and their Father was a drunk, talk about dysfunctional, but they all accepted each other, life 'as is'.

It's a beautiful movie to me, very poetic movie.

I feel like I'm going through that crap now, but in a different way of course, and with maybe the older brother in this movie actually being my past, or what I wish 'was', but isn't, and then in the movie his brother goes away, dies, which maybe represents all my dreams I had for this world...who knows, I just know I like the movie and can relate to it (I'm sure millions of others can as well, in their own ways)(I'm not so conceited as to think the movie only talks to me, lol)

Anyways, it's late, but like the characters in this movie, I've been adrift as of late, not really knowing my place in this world anymore.

I suppose I should check the texts on my phone, had it off for a few days, no good news ever really comes over my phone anymore, not in years.

When people send texts, all they want to do is prod and annoy...just be brave and call, is what I say...

Otherwise don't be planting annoying crap, mood killer type of texts on me phone, is what I say.

About to travel soon, and have never felt more insecure about doing so in many years



About to travel soon, and wow, it's not something I want to do at all.
I booked flight while drunk or drinking, so of course then I was gutsy, but now, heck now.
Traveling scares the hell out of me now days.

I used to love flying, traveling, but that was years ago when society was way more sane. Now, everyone's gone looney.
Fights break out, the mentally ill hide their illness until aboard airplane in mid-flight.

I'm safe, have been safe, cause for the last decade I stick to my small little world or predictability, work, home, work, home, grocery store, work, home..ect.

Now though, will be veering 1000's of miles outside of my safe comfort zone, and ye, I'm nervous about it, especially every time I read the headlines of all the crazy stuff going on now days, in public spaces.

Not to mention a mentally ill pilot tried turning off airplane engines, in mid-flight, a few weeks ago..abcnews.go.com/US/details-emerge-after-off-duty-pilot-allegedly-shut/story?id=104247388

And then being a person of color makes it even worse for me, in that going to a majority 'W' area, which is fine, I'm fine with all white communities, I feel safer there, but, but, do to all the negative headline news, my nightmare is for them to associate me with all the crap they see on social media.
When people fear you, they become hostile, and when hostile, they behave in ways that are dangerous to you.

I'm totally for law and order (even voted for Trump, twice), but when 'B' or person of color, no matter how you voted, you instantly get lumped in with being a drug user or a thug or just a danger to whatever community you're in....and that's just the fact jack.

And to be honest with you, I can't blame them, or anyone, who makes that association.
Everyone is fleeing Democrat states and cities and headed to small rural towns (where I'm from actually).
But when I return, they'll think I'm the new one, and not realize, no, I was there first, it's you all 'Johny come lately' types, that are the intruders into the heartland.

Yep, now you have all these snotty nosed suburban uppity types fleeing to the very small towns they used to laugh about, and then once there, they think they own the place or places.

Oh well, society is changing, always does, and the older you get the scarier change becomes.

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In a week or so, I'll be in for the adventure, not of my life, but of my older adult years life.
(When younger, such a trip would of been nothing to me)
But society is not what it was when I was younger, when criminals go locked up and stayed in jail/prison, and where our boarder was controlled, and where small towns were still cheap affordable places to live...now you go to small towns and some have been completely taking over by migrants from Somalia or ect.

Everything is changing, and not sure if I'm equipped to deal with these changes, but you know what, the world stands still for no one, not even me.

About to shave and groom



About to shave and groom, yuk

Sometimes I want to get all hair removed from my face, through laser removal.

I'm just not a beard type of guy.
I think beards are for men who have actually accomplished stuff in life.
I haven't accomplished anything in life, other than to still simply be here.
When I'm gone, I will not have contributed anything to the advancement of mankind.

That aside, time to groom.
Sometimes I dread looking in the mirror, cause will not like what I see, especially after a night of drinking.

I think I'm more afraid of the world now, than I was when I was way younger

I'm more afraid of the world now, of people, than I was when I was way younger.

I wonder if other people are like that to?

I think maybe cause when younger (depending on where and how raised) we just assume everyone and everything is good, but of course, depending on path through life, that view of others/the world, can become jaded after a while.

I guess it's different for everyone, cause no two people walk the same path through life.