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Post by Admin on Nov 25, 2020 5:26:23 GMT
Tony Wagner, you came up in my thoughts a few days ago, you were like in the 'cool crowd' for years, and like Windsor's right hand man at Lincoln middle.
I remember your sister also, she was quiet and mannered.
I do hope you're doing well in today's world.
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Post by Admin on Nov 25, 2020 5:29:54 GMT
Of all the teachers at Pullman High, I feel it's Mrs Melhart I let down the most, in that I was so athletic, and I feel of all the teachers she had the most belief in me, and I did nothing with my athleticism, absolutely nothing.
Melhart was so 'Pullman', lol, and think she had a thin older classmate of mine blonde haired son, I never knew they were related until way later.
Her son was a very nice guy back then, I think they may of had a crush on my sister at one time, or reverse, I forget.
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Post by Admin on Dec 1, 2020 19:39:38 GMT
A very long journey indeed, but I still try to keep fit and have fun between it all, like me trying to live the glory days of 'break dancing' in video below
Unlike Ray Dumas, I never could learn how to do the 'windmill', darnit.
____________________________________________
But that aside, fitness is key to longevity and health, I mean I'd rather die young, than spend 20 years of older age in constant sickness and pain.
I try my best to keep in shape, also as you age you for sure have to cut back on 'beer', or you won't make it, again darn!
Even to much caffeine not good for you as you age, alot of things not good for you as you age, so were they when young?
I doubt it, I just think when bodies younger, can absorb 'BS' better.
I figure if I live another 10 years, I'll be lucky, 20?...a miracle.
I should get into politics, I noticie politicians seem to always have energy, maybe that's cause they're always making money.
Anyways, get down and boggy if you still can.
Oh, and ignore the 'talk radio guy' in the background, I forgot to delete the sound and and my own sound...so I'll just chose another video and post below it that you can play along with the break dancer.
(Ahh come on, play along, don't be such a stiff)
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Post by Admin on Dec 1, 2020 19:45:30 GMT
After a while you just stop caring what others think, those who are cool have humor and 'get it', and realize you, and others aren't morally perfect and never be.
And those who are just eternal J-zz's think you forever have to live up to their standard of whatever being 'OK' is, but as you age you realize you can never reach another person's 'OK', at least not a person like that.
So the main thing is to be 'OK' with yourself, and the hell with everyone else, for they never helped you anyways, and don't plan to in the future, so they can go pound sound.
Says the philosiper (or however spelled)
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Post by Admin on Dec 3, 2020 3:51:35 GMT
When you're like me, you're just not alive unless stretching your artful range of exploration or inner self.
I feel most 'dead' when at work and expected to be just 'one thing' all of the time.
It's like being a million things, and expected to just be 'one' all of the time, I find that sufficating and so limiting.
It's why I so appreciate art, and so need it in order to escape.
My purpose in life isn't just to be a 'utility' for another, be it an employer ect, my purpose in life is to live, while alive.
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Post by Admin on Dec 13, 2020 17:56:57 GMT
What they tried to bury  Yes, what 'they' tried to bury, and that would be 'me'. The world tried to and is still trying to bury me, the past, present and future is constantly trying to bury me. (not just me but others as well), only I tend to fight back, for who wants to be buried? That goes for family, former classmates, and others who lurk in the shadows. Many are already gone, but I'm still here for some odd reason. So while still here will still 'play' with my images, portraits so that even when the world succeeds, and am buried, a part of self will live on through art. I'm handsome, tall, fit, and yet the world still ran away, well not really the world, but rather certain skunks close to me, or so it seems. So now, when peoples own lives crumble, fall apart, and are a mess, they certainly cannot blame me, for I had nothing to do with it, for 'evil' told you I was bad, to run from me, to ostricize me, and you chose to believe evil, so now all I can do is stand back and watch as nature takes it's course. --------------------------------------------------- My dream is life was to get married, have kids, a dog, cat, 2 or 3 story home, a station wagon (LOL), a riding lawn mower, neighbors whom I could trust and confide in, a decent job, a wife with pretty soft hands and feet, a son, a daughter, vacations, and all the rest. All stolen from me. And I'll stop there before this turns ugly. Could have ruled the world though, had only those supposedly closest to me had just been more 'sturdy'. Oh well, it's a beautiful day, think I'll step out for a bit.
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Post by Admin on Dec 14, 2020 1:06:36 GMT
Xmas stuff??  Not feeling it this year, or last year, or the year before, that being said maybe out of rebellion should go out and buy Xmas lights just to stand out.
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Post by Admin on Dec 20, 2020 21:54:23 GMT
Xmas practically dead where I stay now  In the area I stay at now, Xmas all but dead, and outside of a few commercial stores, no sign of Xmas anywhere. I think it's become like a mute holiday for most in the lower working class, or what I call 'the working class hood community', where you have a mix of poor working class whites, hood and working class blacks, apartments, homes, liquor stores, corner stores and so forth. The black women in the area are usually 95% single, with our without kids, W females usually have boyfriends and or are older, near retirenment years, but you hardly ever see a full married family with kids moving into apartments anymore. As in Dad, Mom, and 2-3 kids, you just don't see that dynamic anymore, at least I don't. Usually women who move into apartments are single Mothers or just single with a boyfriend or roommate or living with relatives together. All that aside, there just is no sign of Xmas here at all, every things just 'grey'. When you live in working class hood areas you begin to realize that black people just don't bring a lot of 'cheer'....not the younger generation anyways. I think for the most part white people are more trained to be optimistic and cheerful and to be thankful to their god that their not 'black' or perceived as. Where as black people more trained by families and society to be more uptight and paranoid and pestimistic about everything. Put 100 whites in a room and observe the mood then put 100 blacks in a room, and observe the mood, and do the same with Hispanics and or Asians...random people I'm talking about and watch how the mood is different in each room. Hispanics probably have the tightest culture of them all, and Asians, although the term Asians is very broad, cause not all Asians are Oriental Asians. Anyways, bottom line to this post is where I"m at now, there's no sign of Xmas at all, I should go get some Xmas lights tomorrow and put up on place just to be different, but around here if people see that, they may think you have gifts inside and then come rob your azz...sigh out loud.
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Post by Admin on Dec 24, 2020 15:21:44 GMT
Today I bought some gifts for a few of my neighbors Today I bought some gifts for a few of my neighbors, something I haven't done in years, no gifts in, no gifts out..not cause I'm mean, but cause usually just alone, and today's neighbors aren't like yester years neighbors that were more friendly and out going. Today's type of neighbors like bunker in, especially in the area I stay in, that aside I bought some gifts, why not. I consider myself doing lower income poor good, or working class poor good or stable, for now, stability is a week by week thing in this world today. But for example, I spent $65.00 on gifts (Walmart), but could of easily spent $1,500 and been OK, but just don't have the people in my life to spend it on. And I don't believe in giving my money to charity, I like to help people out personally, rather than just giving to some large 'pool', and person in need only getting pennies of my hard earned money. To me, satisfaction comes in knowing who you're giving to. That aside, bought some gifts for neighbors son? I say son? cause I think he may be the son of one lady out of two living together, they may be Lesbians, there's a lot of that going on in the hood areas now as many women of color just can't seem to find suitable men, so they pair with one another. But sons or boys still need 'Dads', don't care how tough a female try to act, the kid still knows you're a female and not a male. Is why they get happy every time they see me walk by, and I interact with them when I can, and it seems to totally brighten their day. I dreamed of starting family of my own, but it just never happened, not sure why. Maybe cause when younger and more in prime, I was just to 'safe' and 'guarded' and 'proper'. As such probably came of 'geekish' to many women who just wanted a wild man, why they themselves in their prime. And all this 'no sex before marriage' stuff screwed me up also, for now I realize no women wait till marriage to have sex and if you tell a woman you won't have sex until married, she'll drop you like a dime now days. So anyways, let me stop reflecting on the past before my mood changes suddenly and I start getting upset. __________________________________________ Back to today, I bought the kid some toy swords and other stuff and now about to wrap the gifts. Also I bought a older female neighbor of mine a shirt that says 'Don't ask and you won't get a sarcastic answer', or something like that. This lady in her late 60's or early 70's, I forget and would never ask. And I got the two Lesbian women, or guardians of the 7-8 year old, I bought them gifts earlier in the week. I was meant for this, but for whatever reason some dark force has kept me away from those who could use a loving, passionate, soul like mine. So I simply make the best of 'what is', and that's all I can do. Now here's how you properly wrap a gift, I need to watch this like 20 times... 
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Post by Admin on Dec 24, 2020 15:54:31 GMT
Another reason I do believe single, is that when younger, the people I was around were just selfish as hell about 'me', in that cause I looked good, was so 'sturdy', they never, like normal people would do, try to find me a date. Cause think about that, that's usually how people meet is through another introducing them to one. I use to do that all the time, with both friends and family, every time I thought I met a decent 'male' I'd try to introduce them to either a female friend or female relative, but the same never done with me, ever! It's as if people, the selfish azz evil people in my life in the past just wanted me to remain unknown and just for their 'use' when needed, but to ___ selfish to share me with others. For 1000's of years that's how people, couples, meet, is through friends or family, yet the odd ___ I was around didn't do that, and I guess figured I should just find some woman on my own in a bar or club (which I never went to back then, and don't anymore), and or at church. But at church, when I went, either the women were way older than me, or way way younger, all the women, suitable women my age were away at college and would out and right reject someone like me who was 'blue collar'. Christians no Christians, they were snobs and only wanted to date collegiate successful men (is how they viewed it at the time) Oh sure they'd 'Love you in Christ', but as far as dating you, forget about it.  As I age, one thing for sure, I realize now women aren't as smart as taught to believe they were when younger, I thought women were 'keen' and never made mistakes, when younger, now I know nothing was further from the truth than that myth. But you know what, I still look good, how do they look? Taken less than a month ago...how do they look now, the women who rejected me cause I wasn't 'elite' enough for them back then, or cause I wore the wrong colored shirt, or cause I spoke to proper or to square or whatever. Ye I know, looks aren't everything, and I'm certainly not in top pier of looks, but I can hold my own. Oh well, why am I getting upset, Xmas is tomorrow and I get to give away some gifts today. Today is the day to be silly and happy. |
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Post by Admin on Dec 24, 2020 16:22:15 GMT
Almost felt like crying after leaving gifts anonymously I tried leaving gifts anonymously, but I guess they new it was me, cause after leaving gifts on their porch, I got knock on door and two young Boys of that household showed up to thank me. Two?...where did the second one come from?? And where are their Fathers???!! No matter, I mean if I can make a difference in their life on this Xmas, so be it. I wish I had sons of my own, they'd be the most well adjusted people on the planet, and most loved...but I guess like the devil knows that, and instead surrounded me with witches and warlocks to not make that happen. So many abandoned youth in the hood areas who have no idea what a loving parent is like. And I still have another gift to give out to older woman in here late 60's or early 70's who's going through hard times, her husband is a proud man, but think he lost his job and more, cause I saw this older woman walking to the store the other day..and I don't see their car anymore. You have to be careful when it comes to another mans ego, especially when they're married. Long ago I wanted to get with his daughter, who's more my age, but again, people blinded by a spell or something and don't see how 'good' I am.... And I continue to stand while so many others crumble around me...why? 
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Post by Admin on Dec 24, 2020 16:28:01 GMT
Tempted to go downtown and just give away $20.00 bills to homeless people
Now that the spirit of giving has hit me, tempted to go downtown and just give away $20 dollar bills to homeless people, so tempted to do that.
Why?, cause I can I guess...and should film it.
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Post by Admin on Dec 24, 2020 16:39:59 GMT
Nah, not feeling the homeless thing right now, cause a lot of those people are 'dirty', I mean for real dirty, and on drugs and do other bad stuff, not all of them.
I experimented with being homeless years ago, and learned a lot about the homeless types, and they have social structures and higharchies and all..it's complex.
Even the homeless have like their own form of Government, structure and law.
I know so much more than average people think I do, is why average people looking more and more small to me, especially those from past who allowed ____ to separate us.
But now, don't want you back.
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Post by Admin on Dec 25, 2020 2:04:49 GMT
I just wanted some turkey for tomorrow, and failed to get that today, that's all I wanted was like a turkey leg, instead I'll be eating maybe sardines, and I don't even have milk, ran out of milk today.
So sardines maybe, and oatmeal, who knows.
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Post by Admin on Dec 25, 2020 2:06:59 GMT
And if have to work tomorrow I'm going to vomit, to afraid to even look at schedule, cause then would spoil 'today', knowing ahead of time if have to work tomorrow, so will wait until early in the morning to check schedule.
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