A very long Journey since leaving Pullman

Yep, still here, but time, fate and the roll of the dice haven't landed me here as much lately.

To main street Pullman, so many years ago, to now, the past seems like a totally different world to me now.

I mean to still be here.

I don't think nothing really turned out the way I wanted it to, other than maybe I'm still a bit healthier than I thought I'd be, still workout and all, but no one to really share my good health with.

I doubt I'd even recognize those I grew up with, they'd recognize me though, cause I still look the same, just a bit more mature and handsome.

A person like me could only come from such an area, back then, not today, but back then.

Back then towns, places, were isolated so each had it's own flavor, but today with the internet and pop culture and social media, no where's really unique anymore as everyone tries to copy everyone else now.

Now you can have a farm kid in Whitman country trying to act like a inner city rapper from New York.

Back when I was there it was the person with the coolest cassette tape, is how we jammed.

Some would leave Pullman during the summer, with their Parents, who were usually college students studying there, grad students ect, go to the city, record from the stations there, then come back to dust bowl Pullman and share the tape, and make the rest of us feel oh so square, cause of course the local stations didn't play 'big city stuff'.

Anyways, it's been a long day, I'm beat.

I don't like the one dimensional person most probably remember me as

I'm anything but one dimensional, but people tend to 'freeze frame' you as you were to them the last time had an encounter.



The above figure indeed is 'me', a abstract version of self.

Art helps me to expand what I've always known was there, but that others never want to see within you.

But I learned years ago that I can't stay small just because others think I'm small.

Also many people (not just with me, for these dynamics extend far beyond me and into other relationships) need you to be small so that they can be 'right' about you, we see that dynamic play out all the time in politics or even in marriages, personal relationships, nation against nation and so forth.

Bottom line is that life is short, and instead of worrying about other peoples sensibilities to your being more than they ever imagined you were, better just start living while can, in anyway can, that allows you to mentally and spiritually and physically survive, especially if alone.

If alone, people don't care about you, us, while alive and they dern well won't give a dm about us when gone, so live, while alive.

Just turned central heat on for the first time in nearly a year, figure if some heat in this place it won't feel so 'empty'.

One thing about me though, I don't do hospitals, and don't believe in being sick around others who are paid to take care of me.
If not loved, or wasn't loved while young and healthy and in prime, sure don't need faces gathered around me when the day come I should get sick.

If I can't leave home, ever, on on accord, than doubt I'll ever leave that home again, that's just how I roll do to my life.

If people weren't there for you, avoided you when healthy, and then only come around when you're sick, that means they're demons to me.

'Oh look, they're not a threat to me anymore cause they're sick, now I can watch them in a weakened state'....hell no.

I leave this world on my terms, should that day ever come.

Lingering around just so the medical industry can drain you of whatever dough you have, and odd people can gather around you with that whole 'I told you so look in face'...screw that.

But hopefully that day won't come any time soon, just thinking or writing out loud.

Oddly enough, it's this song, Tupac, that makes me, inspires me, to be young again, fit, and strong, not the bible, not Pastors, but Pac, of all people



Pac is amazing, his energy, his looks, his film presence, he inspires me to want to stop drinking and become fit again so can look as handsome as him.

Still here, wow

Still here, wow, I think to self at times.

Still here, why?, I ask self at times.

Of all people, seems I've done the least, mean the least, matter the least, yet still here.