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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2022 13:40:41 GMT
Yesterday was an emotionally terrible day for me. I just felt 'off', emotionally off. And ended up having a few beers during the late evening early night, and totally wish I hadn't. I hate alcohol now, I hate liquor, I hate the effects it has or had over me. I had a few beers then through the rest into the watery inlet behind my place, maybe some boater or fisherman will get some free beer, or a shark will eat them. Liquor is demonic to me now, to me, not saying it is to others, but to me, liquor is demonic now, the effect it has on me is demonic, figuratively speaking. twylightzone.boards.net/thread/21/alcohol-seductive-trap?page=1 |
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Post by Admin on Mar 23, 2022 1:11:24 GMT
I don't even know if scheduled to work tomorrow or not. The schedule app says 'Not scheduled to work', and I'm fine with that, I could take the next month off and wouldn't care.
But what not fine with is not knowing if work tomorrow or not cause that will determine my mindset tonight and how late I stay awake.
Look here, I have enough saved up where I don't need to work all the time, at my age, why should I?
I'm far from rich, but not broke either, and I never really get ahead, checking account just stays about the same always.
And yes, I do spend, who doesn't, but on small stuff.
I'm about past my best years, so why should I live like a scrouge to self?
Why live like I'm in Russia or Angolia?
I'm in America, so ye, I buy stuff, but buying stuff shouldn't mean your checking balance never grows, that's to tight of a margin.
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Anyways, in a relaxed mood, paid taxes today, how disappointing what I got back compared to previous years.
Should of never listened to sister, who's not very savy with money at all.
Eldest sister is the only one I even talk to anymore and even that's cause I help out fiscally from time to time to cover taxes on property we both own.
Anyways, there's still some nighttime left to do a few more things.
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Post by Admin on Mar 31, 2022 11:44:11 GMT
Of all the places I blog, this place here is the place I feel least creative and artistic, I guess cause subcounsciously I know that's not how the past remembers me.
The past remembers me as being one way, and one way only, but not sure if 'the past' has grown with me.
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Post by Admin on Apr 3, 2022 18:43:09 GMT
Got to go go go, get get get song, worlds worst rap song
Go go go, get get get, says who?
Me personally, I'm tired of the hustle and bussle of every day life.
I just want a life of ease now.
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Post by Admin on Apr 9, 2022 15:11:28 GMT
Bachelors have no choice but to cook for themselves
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Post by Admin on Apr 16, 2022 15:50:50 GMT
I've learned now that if have to prove yourself to anyone, whether family or friend, than they're not your family or friend
For many years driven by the notion of 'Oh, if can just prove to people I'm good, than maybe they'll like me'...type of BS.
Not anymore, now it's reversed, now they must prove to me they're not the slime I think they are.
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Post by Admin on Apr 16, 2022 15:56:54 GMT
I've learned now that if have to prove yourself to anyone, whether family or friend, than they're not your family or friend For many years driven by the notion of 'Oh, if can just prove to people I'm good, than maybe they'll like me'...type of BS. Not anymore, now it's reversed, now they must prove to me they're not the slime I think they are.  |
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Post by Admin on Apr 19, 2022 13:57:13 GMT
 This is one reason why I don't move; I mean why would I with a view like this. |
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Post by Admin on Apr 19, 2022 19:47:28 GMT
should have been a geologist
I still think the grand canyon was formed in weeks or months, and not over million of years.
Watch video and learn.
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Post by Admin on Apr 26, 2022 0:55:32 GMT
In a very weird, yet sober mood right now.
I have a ton of energy, but can't seem to focus on any one thing.
I have energy, but nothing interests me, like it normally does.
Drinking mellowed me out, but now that not drinking, I'm hyper again.
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Post by Admin on Apr 26, 2022 3:09:07 GMT
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Post by Admin on May 1, 2022 1:59:52 GMT
Not use to getting off work with this much energy
Now that I've eliminated much junk snacks from my diet, and of course stopped drinking so much, I've never felt so good in ages.
It's a combo of things.
1. Stopped drinking
2. Cut out sugary snack foods
3. Been taking herbal tea, natural organic type of herbs, not that grocery store chain bought stuff.
And that's really it.
And of course I just eat less, I realize now, when at work, my stomach doesn't always have to be full.
And I'm still losing weight when didn't think I had anymore weight to lose.
Anyways, it's Saturday night (Feels like Friday night to me do to work schedule), but it's Saturday night, I'm off for a few days, and so now can try to relax a bit.
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Post by Admin on May 5, 2022 2:39:45 GMT
My health is pretty good or decent right now, but or so, where do I go from here?
Since stopped drinking so much (I say so much cause every now and then I may get weak and have a few beers, but usually 10 days apart or so)
I've stopped drinking so much, and stopped drinking sugary drinks at travel centers, and stopped eating so many potato chips.
I mean the chips and sugary drinks alone, if you look at the ingredients in them, just cutting those two things out of my diet, no wonder I feel better and still losing weight.
And taking herbs, natural ones, making tea out of it, and exercising, and just living a pretty clean life.
So ye, I feel healthier than I have in a while, but on the inside I kind of feel bland or without direction.
There's really nothing I yearn for anymore, I don't have love in my life so even though i have good energy, that energy is unfocused at the moment.
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Post by Admin on May 5, 2022 2:40:57 GMT
Get up off of your butt
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Post by Admin on May 9, 2022 14:16:52 GMT
Today, was one of those days, where I just woke up feeling 'spent', I looked tired, and felt worn.
Today, was one of those morning that if god or nature or fate had said 'OK, it's time to go', I would not have had much to object about.
Is my job that devastating to me?, my body?, my physiology of the mind?, that work leaves me feeling that way?
Or is it other stuff?
I have been taking herbs lately, and injesting as tea, so my energy level is actually great, but maybe these herbs are having other effects on my mood.
I mean you can have great energy, but that still doesn't mean you're young
And maybe that's the case with me, like giving an older car nitro, sure the car moves fast, but doesn't change the fact that the car is old, the frame is old and so forth.
I'm no herbal expert, was thinking about taking class on it, but maybe I should not take so much tea, as in only take once every other day or something.
I don't know, could always call down there and ask.
But ye, the day is here, and it's hard to explain the flat mood I'm in, I have energy, don't get me wrong, but my flat mood is not where my energy level is.
Or maybe it's just cause at the moment, I just don't have any love in my life, I love no one and no one loves me, maybe that's it, who knows.
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