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Post by Admin on Jan 2, 2024 15:36:27 GMT
I wake up not liking myself so much today.
I drank yesterday, and once again, probably made a fool out of myself over the phone, texting, ect.
I mean I behave like some rowdy college kid when I get drunk, sometimes, but it's mainly do to loneliness, and I can't apologize for being or feeling lonely at times.
But drinking while lonely can make you act up and out, at times.
But at least I drink at home, alone, and don't go out (thank goodness), cause I'd hate to go out into the public and act a fool, cause that's when bad things happen.
Anyways, it's the new year, so what, the same challenges are still here.
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Post by Admin on Jan 15, 2024 20:15:15 GMT
I don't want to drink, but I think I will, just to get the brain and motivational whatever going again.
Can't drink to many beers though, as tomorrow I've got to wake up early and travel, yuk.
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Post by Admin on Jan 30, 2024 6:16:20 GMT
I've gotta reclaim my life from beer
Ye, I pretty much only drink beer, but still, if drink enough beer at one sitting, can be just as bad as liquor.
I haven't drank today, but did yesterday, as in Sunday, and wow, as usual, when drunk felt good, life was good, made some sporadic decisions, but then the next day I totally felt dead, like my soul had been ripped out of my body.
It's a gross feeling, cause you feel nothing at all....other than as a empty shell just laying there.
I've gotta stop this drinking stuff once and for all (I always say that though, then when feel better, I drink again)
I mean all these people dropping dead lately, who are younger than me, and not sure if they even drank.
Maybe it's do to the covid shots?
I just know we're all gonna die one day from something, but while alive, I at least want to feel healthy.
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Anyways, will probably be headed out that way again very soon.
I hate flying now, I totally hate it, used to love it when younger, now I hate it.
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Post by Admin on Mar 18, 2024 14:26:53 GMT
It's amazing how much more even tempered, how much more even your mood is, in the morning, when haven't drank in a while, or just a few days.  |
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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2024 15:50:21 GMT
When you stop drinking, so much begins to change about your insides, about your physiological dynamics; some of it you notice right away, others of it takes time, but the changes are most usually for the better.
1. More sustained energy throughout the day, way more.
2. More enthusiasm for life in general
3. Moods are way more stable
4. Wake up in the morning not feeling so bad or depressed
5. Muscular aches and pains begin to go away
6. You get more done, cause when sober you're able to drive places more often.
And when sober, you don't have the excuse of 'I'm drunk, so I can go, or drive'..
7. You stop talking to people you never should have spoken with to begin with.
8. You begin to lose weight, for sure.
9. Your general looks begin to improve...weight loss always usually makes you look better, but also your face begins to look better as well, cause drinking swells your face and the blood Viens in it or capillaries, which gives your face that puffy reddish look, more noticeable in fairer skinned people.
10. You begin to save money, cause now day 2 four packs of beer can run you 12 dollars...beer/booze drinking can run you $150.oo a month, easily...just like smoking can.
I'm sure I could list more changes that occur when you stop drinking, but that's enough for now.
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Post by Admin on Apr 3, 2024 20:39:03 GMT
I feel like a waste land today, cause dumb enough to drink yesterday evening and into the night.
Stupid me.
Beer makes me so unproductive and totally useless the next day.
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Post by Admin on Apr 5, 2024 20:55:34 GMT
Healing is a big package
People drink for different reasons.
I think, know, I drank to kind of soothe the loneliness in my life and sense that things probably wouldn't get better, and sure, sometimes I drank, drink, just to have fun with self and or loosen up.
But mainly I thank I drank do to a feeling that things would never get better, so if going to die, may as well die happy.
Well, the dying part never happened, cause I'm a odd drinker, in that mainly only drank on days off, and then usually only beer, and my diet was good.
Long story short, in order to stop drinking, you really do have to fill that void with something else just as grand, and you've gotta have love in your life, feel loved, and not want to disappoint others, or being accountable to others.
Sobriety is a combination of things all at play together, I suppose.
But if just stop drinking, and don't feel that void up with something, it won't last.
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Post by Admin on Apr 6, 2024 17:39:12 GMT
Continued from above..⬆️⬆️⬆️
Yep, when it comes to drinking, healing is a long big process of slowly or quickly filling in voids in your life, and filling those voids with things of substance, people, personalities, accountability, purpose, life, living and more.
You can't just stop drinking and fill the extra time up with nothing, or the water will come caving in again...the waves of temptation.
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Also, you think you want one thing while always drunk or drinking over months, years, but then when sober, do you really want what you thought you wanted when always wanted it when drunk or drinking?
Like when drunk, at home and being stupid, I tend to want to chat, talk, and be around others (But only when at home and drunk, and not around others)
But then when sober, not so much. When sober, I just want to be ordinary and left alone....at least at this stage of my life.
All my drinking, on top of always being single and alone, has made me feel more like a 19 year old rather than the aged person I really am.
And doesn't help none that I still have a 19 year old body, and long hair to boot.
But I usually always feel my age when I wake up in the morning or late at night.
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Anyways, it's Saturday, I need to make use of this day, cause my spare days of doing nothing will soon be a thing of the past.
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Post by Admin on Apr 30, 2024 5:50:14 GMT
I've cut back on my drinking by about 50% or more.
It's different gauging my drinking while unemployed than when employed, cause when employed I'd usually drink on my days off, which was 3-4 days a week, but now that unemployed, I've cut that out, cause there's nothing to counterbalance it with.
And you cannot drink every day or you'll just get sick.
Plus I'm enrolled in a film course now, so with all the reading and studying, drinking totally corrodes my ability to focus and stay awake.
I want to succeed at this course, so if drinking gets in the way of that, well, drinking will have to go...good.
But not there yet.
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Post by Admin on Jun 9, 2024 2:32:22 GMT
Believe it or not, this song inspired me to stop drinking tonight and want to get sober
People who say rappers aren't talented are dishonest intellectual baffoons.
Listen to these guys, their lyrics, and how tight they are.
That's discipline, and you can't do that if drunk, stoned or high.
They're lyrical athletes...and just made me want to stop drinking tonight, and instead be sober and focus on my craft...and being the best I can be at whatever gift god gave me.
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Post by Admin on Jul 9, 2024 3:47:10 GMT
It's been over a week since had a beer...cool.
Can't believe it's been since Feb that I posted in this section.
Hard to catch 'you' up on what's happened between then and now, and I won't even try.
Let's just say now I really do have a reason not to drink, a few actually.
If I want to succeed at this new en devour than alcohols got to go.
Alcohol will turn your brains into mush.
Anyways, yes, a whole week, dry, cool, but I make it seem like a breeze, it's not and wasn't.
I'll try to post more in this section to keep readers up to speed, the few readers that casually happen to find this site and or section, that is.
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Post by Admin on Jul 9, 2024 21:24:57 GMT
Still sober Still sober, but let me tell you, in the past I'd so be drinking right now, that way I wouldn't have to deal with my real feelings and mood cause getting drunk would just take me into an artificial alcohol based mood...then just drink until bed, and sleep all night, late morning...a big chunk of the day solved...right? Not really...drinking wastes large swaths of your time, and makes you very non productive. It's good that I'm sober now, haven't drank in over a week, but it does feel odd to me at times cause I have nowhere to emotionally retreat to.
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Post by Admin on Jul 9, 2024 21:30:13 GMT
Don't know what's going on with body as of late. I figured after not drinking alcohol for nearly a month now or so, or around, that I'd feel much better, but I really don't. I mean energy level is higher, yes, but as far as body aches, no, body aches in weird spots like in arms and stuff. Not sure if that's do to withdrawal or do to nerves coming back to life or who knows. And it seems I have more bags under my eyes now than I did when I drank. It seems my face looks more saggy and tired now, than it did when I drank. I don't know what's going on, I just know I haven't felt normal in a bit over a month. |
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Post by Admin on Jul 9, 2024 21:37:30 GMT
And for years and years, talking to people while drunk, over the phone, just became my standard...it was more fun to me that way.
And even now, whenever I talk to someone, or the few that I did over the phone, I get that urge to drink, as if drinking can boost my enthusiasm towards the call and person on phone with, as in bringing out my silly side.
Obviously that's not good.
I got to relearn how to enjoy people while sober.
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Post by Admin on Jul 13, 2024 19:28:05 GMT
 It's Saturday, and still no drink, nor do I plan to...I think tomorrow will be 2 weeks or so without a drink? Cool...but still have a long way to go to get back in decent over all shape. |
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